She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
