Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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