sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
