Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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