It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
