at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
