put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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