if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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