i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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