worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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