im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
