the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she pinky promised me she was 18
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
