1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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