I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
