When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
FUCK WHALES
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