I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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