smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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