i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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