My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
