When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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