we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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