I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
