I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
its liver damage thursday
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
