I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize