i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
