i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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