Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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