Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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