Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
