Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
