how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
