Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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