I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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