i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
