whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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