I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
