We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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