just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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