Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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