Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
