She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
