It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
