Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize