i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
