The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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