My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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