Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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