it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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