When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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