I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
