Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
