You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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