if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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