It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
