i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
