I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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