He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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