Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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