I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
