Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize