oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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