too bad you live with your parents still
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
