Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
