i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
